Need You Now
by divergentandproudofit
Summary: The fire consumes me,two parts grief and one part hope, turning the coals of fearlessness to the grey ash of loss. Are you there can you hear me? I need you now. FourTris one shot. Contains MAJOR Allegiant spoilers.


**THIS IS A ONE SHOT. It shall STAY a one shot. This is me healing myself after Allegiant, because I cried like a baby and I need to feel whole again...**

**Based off the song Need You Now by Lady Antebellum.**

**Tobias**

It's a quarter after one in the morning, and I've just woken again from the horrible image that taunts me, night after night. I'm sitting on my bed with my head between my knees, pressing my hands to my chest as if I can push away the stabbing pain of loss.

It's been three months since I lost her. Three months since my world dissolved into ashes. Three months, and I still can't breathe or think when I hear her name.

Three months, and it still fucking _hurts,_ just as much as it did when I first found out.

Damn, I've cried, I've screamed her name, but she can't hear me. I told her I wouldn't let them kill her, but I did. If I hadn't left her, then she wouldn't have gone in for Caleb, and all this shit wouldn't have happened. We would still be Four and Six, the star crossed lovers from Abnegation.

"Why?" I scream at the wall, just as I've done so many times in the past few weeks. "Why did you have to be so fucking _stupid?"_

I hurl my tear soaked pillow at the wall, clenching my hands into fists, because this isn't right. She should be here, beside me, wrapping her arms around my waist and making me feel strong again. Instead of her, all I can see is red and black.

Red, for the blood she bled. Black, because that's how I feel. Dark, angry, torn. I _needed_ her to hold me together, and she had to pick that time to be selfless and take her brother's place. I can't look him in the eye, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to again.

"Tris," I whisper hoarsely, clutching my blanket in my hands so that my world doesn't fall apart. "I need you now. Come back to me. I..." I swallow the air in heavy gulps, struggling to breathe through the weight of tears and grief. "I love you."

I love her; I love her, and it broke me.

I slide off the bed and leave the room.

There's no chance that I'll be sleeping again tonight- Christina has me on pills, but they only prolong the nightmares. Every day and night just bleeds into the next one, and try as I might I can't fight the miasma of pain and fear that has overcome me.

I grab a bottle of wine from the fridge and pour it into a glass, ignoring the liquid that spills over the sides. I down the alcohol in one gulp, like I did that day in the Chasm with Zeke, watching her silent strength and knowing that she was special. I saw her cheeks flush when I told her that she looked good, and the way she laughed with her friends. Now, I'll never hear her laugh again.

I've already lost the fragile hold I had on the situation. I won't make it without her.

I run my fingers through my hair, once cut Abnegation short but now unruly and unkempt. I haven't left my apartment, and Zeke and Christina do all my shopping and whatever else for me. And I really don't care how I look anymore.

I grip the bottom of my glass and throw it at the clock, where both shatter into pieces on the floor. The fire, it hurts, it burns within, and the thing is, I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all. I love her, and that is what I know. She loved me.

The fire consumes me,two parts grief and one part hope, turning the coals of fearlessness to the grey ash of loss.

I grasp the wine bottle by the neck and down even more, though it burns the back of my throat.

_Six, I love you. Can you hear me? Are you there?_

And there is a knock at the door.

I sit up straight, thoughts pounding through the drunken haze. Who would be at my apartment this late at night? Am I starting to hear things now?

But no, because it happens again, louder, more insistent this time. _Is it..._

It's not. There's no way. It can't be. But the fire, it burns bright with hope, fueled with passion, even though I know it isn't who I so desperately want it to be.

I will get up and answer it in one. Two, three, four. Five.

Six.

I stagger to my feet and pull open the door- and there is someone, and everyone.

She's maybe a bit taller than I remembered, and she has dirt streaked across her face and circles underneath her eyes. She's worn, tired, and she is wary, looks at me like she no longer recognizes me. I don't blame her- at the moment I'm a drunken, incoherent mess. I can't even recognize myself.

It's her.

"Tris..." I say in wonder, and she pushes forward and wraps her arms around me, choking out my name as tears start to flow from her own eyes. I pull her back, slamming the door and bringing her to me, her hands clutching the hem of my shirt to stay steady, and mine tangling in her hair, our lips locked in a fierce battle. There we stay, leaning against the wall for support.

This is what I need.

I am desperate, desperate to feel that she's real and that she won't fade away like fog in sunshine, because it's a distinct possibility that this is all a dream.

"I told you... I wouldn't leave you..." she says in between kisses.

Four, and Six.

A perfect Ten.


End file.
